i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
