U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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