I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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