apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
