my mouth tastes like poor choices
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize