last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
