Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
