I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
