i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
