There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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