Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
