Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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