p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
