We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
My liver just had a heart attack.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
