Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
