he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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