So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
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Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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