how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
