remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
