i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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