I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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