it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
