One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
