How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
