Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
