Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
