Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
