I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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