my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
