Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Randomize
