Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
