Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
