we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Is it penis luge time yet?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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