Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
