dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
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he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
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You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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