If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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