Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
