he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
