Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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