You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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