Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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