FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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