I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
