this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
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