8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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