Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
