I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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