he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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