so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
