This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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