maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
