Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
