I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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