you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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