Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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