Rock
Scissors
Fuck
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
