I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
