The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
My liver just had a heart attack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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