Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
