Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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