If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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