you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
