You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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