I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
