Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
