I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
