We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
